When You Choose to Not Stay Home

I wish that Facebook were better at choosing their suggested ads. No, Facebook. I’m not interested in getting my MSW. No, Facebook. I’m not looking to buy subscription boxes for every single thing that could possibly exist (thought sometimes I wish I could!). And no, Facebook. I’m not a stay at home mom. That one might be the one that gets me the most.

I think the reason that last one bothers me so much is because of the extreme guilt I feel for not being a stay at home mom. I work full time, I’m a student, a wife, a daughter, a friend, and a mom. Most days that feels like too many titles, and yet, it’s all the things that I love about my life.

It seems that in the Christian world, a working mom is barely an option. Play groups are during the workday, women’s bible studies are during the work day, and if you even breathe a word about going back to work 12 weeks after your baby is born, there seems to be a strong silent judgment that can be felt long after you leave the conversation.

I went back to work on March 9^th. I’ve spent every day since then feeling so guilty for dropping Ellie off. I leave her with my mom each day. She’s in the care of someone who loves her just as much as I do (not to mention, she gets to hang out with her cousin!) and makes sure that she is getting the best care possible. My first week back to work, Ells decided that bottles weren’t a thing she was interested in. I was faced with the reality that I might not have the option to go back to work. That paralyzed me. I love working. I like my coworkers, I like helping people, and I like being a part of the Northwestern community. The thought of having to walk away from that to stay home all day? Yikes…it paralyzed me.

Eloise Joanna...you have captured my heart. 

Luckily, bottles worked out and I’m still at work 40 hours a week. That didn’t change the guilt I feel for being there though. Is it possible to work full time and still give your kid the love and attention that they need from you? I think it is, but I’m not sure everyone would agree with that. This isn’t a slam to stay at home moms. You all are amazing. Staying home is a thankless, more than full time, incredibly difficult job. Being a working mom doesn’t mean I love my kid any less or that I’m not her biggest fan. I want to not feel guilty for choosing to work while I have a young kid. I wish that the Christian world encouraged working moms as much as it encourages stay at home moms.