Faker.

A thing I really don’t love is people who aren’t themselves. I get that sometimes it’s really hard to always be yourself, but I really wish that people were more like their “true” self more often. I just sat through a couple of months of interviews trying to make people like me and look like I’m the best for the job. The interview I felt best about (and got the job!!) is the one that I was acting like myself the most at. It felt comfortable and good to walk out knowing that I was myself and that was the best I could do.

I lived a double-life for quite a few years. Whether it was pretending like I was happy and doing just fine or whether I was sitting in the front row of church pretending that I was doing the best I could in life, I was being fake. I’m realizing how hurtful being fake really is. I’ve hurt myself a lot by not being true about who I really am and what I need and want. I let how I appeared and who I knew rule my life for far too long. I’m understanding that what should actually be important to me is caring about my family and close friends…along with myself.

So what happens when the closest people around you aren’t being their true selves? Or what happens when they are being themselves, but it’s not really something that you respect? Where do you go then? I’m not sure how much of a place I would really have to call someone out on these sorts of things. I think that I often feel inadequate to call anyone out on anything. I’ve had my times of lying, hurting, and making poor choices that led to a very fake life. It makes me feel like I could never call someone out on not being real.

Let me tell you this, fakers can only change being fake on their own. If you’re living a fake life, think about the people around you who are being affected by that. I can guarantee you that it’s hurting people. In order for someone to change their actions, something inside them has to change. Change comes from within, it doesn’t happen on its own, and it’s a constant battle to not go back. Change is often for the better, but I don’t get why it can take so long for someone to realize how necessary change is.

Empty Promises

I think something that I have really learned about myself of the last few months is how much I really dislike people who say one thing and do something completely opposite. It might be that I dislike this so much because I used to be that person. I think that often when we change things about ourselves for the better, we learn to despise the old characteristics about ourselves.
I'm learning that I end up more frustrated when someone says that they will do something, be somewhere, or something along those lines and then they don't follow through. I get people pleasing...trust me I've been there, no, I am still there, but I believe that for most people it hurts worse to be promised something and not receive it than to just never be promised something in the first place.
I'm trying to figure out how to handle all of that. People will obviously let you down at some point because we're all human. We can't always use that as an excuse, but it is the truth. So how do you cope with being let down? What's the solution? Is there even a solution? I think the answer to that looks different for everyone. We all cope differently. I'm not sure there is a solution, but I do think that there is an appropriate way to handle these kinds of situations. I'm trying my best to not blame others when I feel let down, but instead to forgive and not be bitter. I'm learning it's best to work to improve yourself rather than trying to fix everyone around you.

Opinions Don't Cost a Thing...

The other day Luke asked me to write an opinion article for the Column at Northwestern about being unemployed. I laughed at him and told him I don't write at all. The truth of it really was that I already feel crappy enough about being unemployed after being out of school for 3 months, that I didn't want the entire Northwestern world to know that. Let me tell you something...graduating and hunting for a job in the real world is not a simple task.
I have been handed almost every job I've had. I didn't really have to fill out applications and I certainly didn't interview. Being in the real world is SO different from that. I've filled out a bazillion applications and still don't feel like I've done enough.
It's not that I wasn't prepared for finding a real job. In Senior Seminar, I was given plenty of resources to use to find a job. As a matter of fact, I felt pretty prepared to find a job. I think I felt more prepared than most college grads because I wasn't actually looking for a job in my field. Instead, I was looking for some sort of administrative support position. You only have to have a high school diploma for those.
I was quickly humbled when I started receiving rejection letters for jobs. I learned that you don't want e-mails, you want phone calls. How do you make yourself stand out in a stack of over 500 applications? What is so special about me from the person next to me?
I'm still not sure. I know that I'm a pretty dedicated employee. I don't quit jobs because they're hard or not my favorite thing to do. I've worked some pretty unejoyable days at previous jobs. That's not a reason to quit and give up. I think that's the most important part to remember through the job hunt. Don't quit and give up.
I don't want to sit at home and be a couch potato for the rest of my life. I have dreams...things I want to personally accomplish. It's important to me to be an employee somewhere. I enjoy working surprisingly enough. I enjoy helping people and that's part of what you get to do at work. I'm excited for the phone call where I can hang up and feel good about myself because I am finally an employee somewhere. Patience isn't my strong point and I'm really beginning to see that. After sitting around for a little over 6 week, I'm antsy and getting really impatient. I keep saying that I wish going in for an interview was like scratch lotto. I just want to know when I walk out whether or not I have a job.
If I had to give my opinion on being unemployed, I'd say it sucks. However, I wouldn't trade the last 6 weeks of hanging out with my parents and learning new things about myself daily for anything. It's a special time...that I'd be more than happy to have end any day now!